Tuesday, January 23, 2007

January is National Breakup Month!

If it wasn’t enough to have January being one of the coldest, if not dreariest, months of the year, they had to go and dub it the month more couples break up than any other month of the year.

Six out of ten couples will break up this month. Sounds awful, doesn’t it?

I never cared much for January anyway. After-Christmas bills are piling in, it’s too cold to enjoy most outdoor sports (or the ones I like anyway), and everything looks so bare and dreary. No wonder this is the month for the most breakups.

But, other than that, why is it that January beats out the others?

Here’s my educated guess. Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.

Something clicks in people’s heads that if they plan on getting out, they better do it now before it’s too late. When Valentine’s Day hits, they surely want to be with someone they love, or they don’t want to break their once-loved one’s heart on the most romantic day of the year so they do it now.

Another reason why it might be that January brings forth more breakups than any other month could be that the new year signals new beginnings. It is a time when people step back and reflect on the previous year, and if there are changes to be made, this is the time to do it.

Unfortunate for some, these changes include a reevaluation of their love life.

If a relationship isn’t working, and can’t be fixed, a breakup is inevitable. The Dear John or Dear Janet letter goes out, and that’s if they even bother to tell them at all. Believe me, from what I hear, some choose to just vanish from the scene of the crime without any warning, the dirty scumbags that they are.

So, what happens if you’re the dumpee?

After you’ve mourned the loss of your relationship, turn the other cheek and try to learn what it is you were supposed to learn from the relationship. Every relationship is a learning lesson in humility, courage and stamina. Other lessons will be learned, but those are enough in itself.

If you keep in mind that every single person who comes into your life from here on out on a soul mate basis does so for a reason, it helps you to see why it is that people are there in the first place. Some are not meant to be long-term. In fact, some just come into your life to help you with a particular situation, and they are gone. More than likely, most of them left in January, according to statistics, but even though they are gone in the flesh, their spirit will linger forever.

The reason for this is that when two soul mates meet in the first place, it is one spirit calling to another. The one spirit recognizes the other spirit from a previous life perhaps, but whatever the case, there is instant recognition.

That recognition, that spiritual connection, will never go away even if the breakup ends on less than amicable terms.

This may or may not be what you want to hear, but from a professional stand-point, this is what happens.

So, if you happen to be one of the statistics this year, and you become the victim of a breakup, remember that there was a reason for the two of you to come together in the first place. Figure out what it was that you learned from it, and go on from there.

Breaking up is certainly hard to do because nothing hurts worse than the pain of the heart.

Even though it seems a callous thing on the part of your boyfriend/girlfriend, think of it as a favor. To extend a bad relationship would be detrimental to your well-being. Things would only escalate, and who knows what might happen.

There is a distinct plan for you, and this certain person was only meant to come into your life to teach you something, or you teach him, so find ways to look on this as a learning experience. You’ll come out ahead in the long run and it will only empower you for the next relationship.

And just think of how nice the next one will be because you have learned a valuable lesson that will give you more strength and power than you had before.

With each relationship, you grow stronger and more confident in what does and does not make you happy. Before long, you will find the one who is supposed to be with you on a long term basis.

Meanwhile, pick up the pieces, learn what it is you are supposed to learn from this relationship, and move on into a better life and a better world of pure, soul mate love.

© Dorothy Thompson

Relationship expert Dorothy Thompson is the editor/contributing author of ROMANCING THE SOUL and coaches those seeking answers to their soul mate questions. You can visit her website at http://www.dorothythompson.net/ or her blog at http://www.soulmateadvice.blogspot.com/.

Tags: National Breakup Month, breaking up, relationship help, relationship advice, Valentine’s Day, soul mate

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Relationship Advice: Will My First Love and I Be a Couple Again?

I have been reunited with my first love and we have been in touch through lunch, emails, and voicemails for the last four years. We are both currently married. I want to know if we will ever be sexually passionate again and be a couple as we once were? I truly believe he is my twin soul mate.

Once a soul mate, always a soul mate. It’s very normal to harbor feelings for our first love, so don’t feel guilty about it! As for him being your twin soul, I’d have to know more, but the way it sounds, it looks to me that he might be one of your companion soul mates.

Companion soul mates are just as special as your twin soul, so even if he does not turn out to be your twin soul, he was and still is a very important part of your life. As for as being the couple you once were, that is highly unlikely because the couple you once were has gone through a lot of life lessons and with that, growing pains, and the two of you have become entirely different persons you once were. While the feelings can be stirred and the passions reignited, the road you both are on now is completely different. You both have married, and I’m taking it that if you and he feel that there is a need to reunite, there are problems within both your marriages that must be solved. If they cannot be solved, it’s time to move on. Whether that includes you two becoming one again, it would depend on the factors involved. Because the spirits of the two of you are fighting to be rejoined, the reality of it is that it’s not that simple. The first thing you need to do is decide whether breaking up your marriage is worth it.

If the marriage has problems that can be resolved, my first instinct is to tell you to at least try to work it out because you don’t want to make a big mistake. I’ve heard of cases where two soul mates who are in marriages meet and decide to leave their spouses for their new soul mate only to find they wish they had at least tried to resolve whatever problems there were in the marriage because, in reality, they still loved them. Thus, they found themselves in the soul mate triangle, and even more problems surfaced because of it.

If the problems cannot be resolved, then there’s your cue. But, unless you want to find yourself in a three-way soul mate relationship which has its own set of problems, I’d try to tie up loose ends by looking inside your marriage and seeing what you think the problem might be. If there is a communication problem, encourage your spouse to talk to you about it. If there are drugs, alcohol, or abuse-related issues, my advice to you would be to pack up your bags because it’s only going to get worse without any outside help.

With that said, there is no harm in communicating with your previous soul mate because there is a strong reason why he has resurfaced, and I’m figuring it is because your spirit is crying out for help concerning whatever it is that is going on in your marriage. He has been called to help you with this. Don’t look at it as an opportunity to escape. Look at it as a golden opportunity to find out in which direction you need to go. Listen to your inner self. Your inner self will tell you what you need to do and where you need to go.

Hope this helps!

The Soul Mate Queen
To read more advice, or to ask my advice on a soul mate issue, you can visit www.soulmatequeen.homestead.com/FreeRelationshipAdvice.html.